Why Does My Husband Lie to Me?

Tito Pontilan

At one point or another, all married women face the unpleasant reality of their husband lying to them.  Although it may be true that this is definitely a painful experience, not all instances of lying stems from malice or an intent to cause pain.  Rather, more often than not, it is very likely that the husband actually wanted to avoid making the person they love experience heartache or disappointment.  This though does not excuse him from being responsible for his actions.

It is a fact that husbands telling lies is not something that just suddenly happens.  Because of the way their wives relate to them, men make certain assumptions as to how they would react.  The husband lies because one, it may cause his wife pain or undue emotional distress; two, it may lead to a confrontation between both of them and he will most probably be on the losing end; or three, it may cause a rift in their relationship leading to possible break-up or estrangement.  He then tries to modify or obscure the truth so his wife’s reaction would be a more favorable one or at least a more subdued one instead of an explosion.

To make things worse, men view the question, “Why did you lie to me?” as an attack.  They do not see it as a plea for more openness between them.  It is emotionally interpreted to mean that their value has lessened because they brought the other person pain and put into question the truth about the love they professed when they got married.  In truth, both of them desire openness and a deeper bond.  Unfortunately, most people are at a loss as to how to foster it, even worse, they try to force the relationship instead of nurturing it into maturity with understanding and patience. 

Here are a few things that both the husband and the wife should keep in mind.  One, will how they react to what has been laid open, encourage openness or erode it?  Two, is the other person emotionally ready to do so or would a loving wait be in order?  These are a few of the questions that need to be asked instead of going the easy way out and selfishly give in to one’s emotions.  It may even lead to fewer and fewer instances of a husband lying.