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Stop Divorce
Opposites attract?
You question where a statement like this comes from, when, a few years after getting married, sometimes even after just a few months, you find there’s no longer anything that interests you about your spouse.
You are irritated, hurt, or angered by just about everything that first attracted you to your partner.
You used to find the job that your loved one does highly fascinating, and were proud that you were associated with someone in that line of business, but now it just makes you miserable, keeping the two of you apart, physically and emotionally. The term “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is frowned upon.
“He always has to work late,” she complains. “She’s so emotionally involved with her patients, yet doesn’t give me the same attention,” he points out.
So much time is spent on trying to keep the financial situation in the home stable, that the relationship is often neglected, and the more one tries to do well at work, the more involved one gets outside of the relationship, causing a distancing from each other, that one, or both resent.
Issues also arise that have nothing to do with work:
“She makes me stop for every stray dog we pass on the street. Pet food is costing more than our own food!” he exclaims. “I can’t believe how he doesn’t care about animals,” she tells her friends.
“He doesn’t understand how important my parents are to me.”
“She spends so much time with her parents, but complains when I have a drink or two with my friends after cricket practice. Now that I think of it, she doesn’t like watching a cricket match either!”
It’s just not cricket.
It’s not fair.
Resentment builds up. Anger flares up at the slightest thing. Problems aren’t discussed and they remain unresolved. The marriage is in danger of falling apart…
Not enough time is spent together, and, therefore, communication can’t even begin to develop, and decisions are made separately, angering each other even more.
Spouses may have come from different backgrounds and may have had different life experiences that have influenced who they are today. While courting, these factors are ignored, considered trivial, or even thought of as lightly entertaining. Once married, a better understanding of these factors needs to either already be in place, or time needs to be spent with each other communicating about them. Not spending enough quality time together can be very detrimental to a marriage.
It’s natural that when one feels neglected due to getting hardly any time alone with your spouse, that feelings of anger will grow, fester, and erupt. These feelings of anger are not always directed at your spouse; sometimes the anger is directed at yourself because you can’t see a way out. Thus, feelings of anger, also often turn into frustration and confusion.
The two of you have different hobbies, have different goals in life, have completely different jobs, and you gain pleasure from different things. All these factors keep you from getting as close as a married couple should be. How can the marriage possibly work?
Is there really hope?
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