Negativism and Family Issues

By Mary Beth Enggren

Negativism shows itself through the refusal to do what is asked, often for no apparent reason. This trait often appears in toddlers, commonly called “The Terrible Twos.” At that age, children express themselves as separate from their parents. Such negativism is not a psychological disorder. Rather, it is a developmental phase. A firm parental stance ensures the child that the parent, while recognizing the child’s desire to separate, is still the authority figure in the relationship. Whether the child will acknowledge the fact or not, such boundaries increase his sense of security.

Negativism as a Psychological Disorder

Negativism that rises to the level of a psychological disorder is often expressed through the patient’s passive-aggressive behavior. In simple terms, young children misbehave just to see what the consequences will be.

The Personality Disorders Work Group lists the following personality traits as typical of those with negativism:

• Using procrastination to avoid fulfilling obligations
• Expressing feelings of unfair treatment by others, life, and circumstances
• Expressing hostile or sullen behavior when something is requested of them
• Experiencing anger or pessimism regarding a variety of events or requests
• Showing undue hostility towards those in a position of authority
• Showing heightened envy of others
• Alternating between hostile expressions of their own independence and deep contrition for these expressions.

Parenting a Negativistic Child

In addition to consulting a professional therapist, parents of negativistic children can use the following techniques to keep the negative behavior at bay.

A parent should ignore some of his child’s negative moods, while not ignoring the child. This behavior clearly shows the child that his parents love him regardless of his mood. And positive reinforcement like including the child in family activities enables him or her to cope with emotions in a loving environment.

Parents should explore the underlying reasons for their child’s negativity. A child who exhibits negativism during morning activities may simply require additional sleep. A child who fears new people or situations may require additional reassurance from the parents that he or she can handle new circumstances.

Parents should confront the negative feelings and behaviors of their child in a firm and gentle manner. However, this confrontation should not impact the entire family. Child who throw temper tantrums because they don’t want to go on a picnic should not be permitted to alter the family’s plans. The parents can recognize that children don’t wish to participate, acknowledge their negative mood, and firmly insist that they reconsider. Should the disruptive behavior continue throughout the event, the parent can provide “quiet time” for one child while allowing the other family members to continue their activity.

Negativism can affect the entire family if it is not properly addressed. The positive reinforcement and engagement with other family members provide the stability that a negativistic child needs in order to stabilize emotionally. A professional therapist offers a safe environment in which the parents and the negativistic child can learn additional coping mechanisms.